Jay Hanna: What the mums of Perth really want this Mother’s Day

Dear kids of Perth,

You can keep your pyjamas, perfume, day spa vouchers and bottles of wine — here’s what your mum really wants this Mother’s Day.

To not have to remind you to brush your teeth and comb your hair, every single morning.

For you to remember where you put your shoes so that when it is time to leave the house we don’t have to yell “where are your SHOES!” then spend the next 25 minutes hunting all over the house for them.

Your mum would also love it if for once you went looking for your libary bag, hat or tutu without first coming and asking us to do it for you. We should be your last port of call.

Your mum would also be eternally grateful if you did not treat the hallway as an assault course, with your shoes, clothes, and other random items left strewn from one end to the other and becoming potentially life-ending obstacles we must navigate to get to the loo.

Your mum would be thrilled if, instead of bringing an entire sandpit home in your runners, you remembered to empty them and your socks before coming inside.

Kids of Perth, you might also think about putting your dirty clothes and wet towels in the laundry basket for once.

Oh, and don’t waste your money on flowers because this is what your mum really values: silence. Or even just quiet would do. Not constant screaming, yelling and singing.

Please just give peace a chance.

You could also try going to bed the first time we ask.

That’s all the mums of Perth really want. But on second thoughts, we will take the wine, too.