opinion
Justin Langer: We all give our Year 12 kids advice, but what words actually sink in?

On Sunday night we made our way to the Perth Convention Centre for our youngest daughter’s final presentation night. After four daughters, there has been a sense of melancholy over the last few weeks as we have watched Gracie’s school education journey reach the finish line. Our school era as parents is officially over. For some, there is a great sense of relief in this. School fees are one thing, but the stress of school balls, early-morning school sports’ training, parent/teacher interviews, and the strain of watching our kids battle ‘study anxiety’ is all coming to an end. Personally, I’m going to miss this period in my life. Dropping the girls off in the morning was always a favourite. These trips helped me memorise the lyrics to Harry Styles, Taylor Swift and Coldplay. Singing, laughing, telling Dad jokes and picking up takeaway coffees or hot chocolates, are etched in my mind as the fondest of memories. Through school, we have met lifetime friends, and if nothing else, our girls leaving school means we must be getting older. And, hopefully, wiser. Sitting mesmerised on Sunday night we listened to talented students sing, dance, play in the orchestra, and speak with maturity beyond their years. Not for the first time, I was entertained, inspired and encouraged, but behind the glitz and glamour of the event, something stirred inside me. If you looked a little closer, you could see darker shades under the eyes of the faces. Behind the smiles, were signs of tension and disquiet. Although unspoken, there was a sense of, “get me out of here”, “I just want to sleep”, “I have to study”, and “leavers, leavers, leavers, party, party, party”. Watching 142 Year 12 students up on the stage not only took me back to my last year at school but reminded me of exactly what my other three daughters have gone through as they prepared for their final exams and graduated. Amongst the introverts and extroverts, the emotions remained the same; they were all tired, stressed, distracted, panicked, fed-up, sad, relieved, expectant, happy — all rolled up in one. Through their school years, they would have received all sorts of advice and strategies for now and the future. We have all been offered these words of wisdom along the way, but I am curious how much of it really sinks in. As a Dad, I often wonder, of all the things I have shared with my daughters over the years, which bits of advice have been the most helpful and which may have been detrimental. I have asked myself the same questions as a coach or mentor. Sunday’s presentation night got me reflecting on the pieces of advice I received when I was a 17-year-old schoolboy and how my interpretation of those ‘pearls of wisdom’ has changed as I have experienced more of life. I was always told to ‘set goals and dream big’. Great advice, and over my life I have been amazed at how my goals have come to fruition, especially when I wrote them down. Since standing up on the graduation stage back in 1987 I have learned that a better way to look at goals and dreams is to have the main aspiration as the journey, not the outcome. I was always told to enjoy the ride, not the destination. Experience now tells me that the more satisfying goals are not the endpoint, but everything else that goes into taking those steps in each chapter of your life. Only last week on the Cape-to-Cape trek, the obvious goal was to get to the endpoint of the geographical challenge and the amount of funds I wanted to raise. Looking back though, they were both great, but the hundreds of moments in between the start and the finish lines were so much more satisfying. My life is littered with similar examples. As parents, teachers and mentors, how often do we say, ‘choose your friends wisely’. This is some of the soundest guidance you could ever wish for. When we’re young, we often fall into the trap of trying to please everyone, be popular, and morph into something we are not, no matter the cost. What I have learned is that when all is said and done, we can count our closest friends on two hands. For the lucky ones, there might be a few more, but we find out in our toughest times who our best friends are. They rise to the surface over time, and while mates and acquaintances come and go, our best friends, like our family, are the best thing in our lives. Continuing with this theme, some of the best counsel shared with me, is to ‘always be yourself’. The stage on Sunday night was a tapestry of young women, with a myriad of personalities, appearances and perspectives. It took me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin, but when I did my life was so much better. School was tough in that sense because I was always grappling with who I was, what I wanted and what I stood for. Because of this, I was easily influenced and often confused and frustrated by the concept of just being myself. Sound as the advice was, it wasn’t easy to understand and therefore even harder to live. Through school, work, and my involvement in team sports, it has become obvious to me that those who are happiest and most content in their lives are the ones who have learned to be comfortable in their own skin, despite the environment. Over the years I have played and worked with so many different people and it is in that diversity that I have grown myself. This has taken time, and I wish I had understood the advice earlier. We are all unique and the sooner we accept and celebrate who we are the better. How many times did we hear, or now say, ‘School is the best time of your life, enjoy every minute of it’. My kids might not say it, but I can hear them thinking, ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever Dad’. Looking back, school was good, but was it the best time of my life? Probably not. There was that little study bug sitting on my shoulder screaming at me to get back to work. The early morning bus rides and the stress of my TEE exams and their results: the awkward school kid crushes and occasional bullying or rejections. I wouldn’t say they were the best days, but there were some great friendships and experiences along the way. The point of the advice, as I have now garnered, is that regardless of the period of your life, you might as well enjoy it. It means you can look back at the good parts of those chapters with a smile on your face. Of course, there are ups and downs but ‘laughing your way through the roller coaster of life is the greatest strategy of all’. My friend and coach Bob Meuleman would often tell me to go and watch a funny movie or hang out with the people who make me laugh a lot. Sometimes as a younger man, I questioned what on earth he was talking about, but over time it made so much sense. He would say: “You are so bloody serious. You need to relax and enjoy yourself a bit. Go and watch a funny movie or something.” At the time I probably thought he was being a condescending, uncompassionate, silly old man. Today, I thank him for his counsel. I have learned that the harder you try, the worse things tend to get. If you don’t laugh at the situation or circumstance, you will tend to cry. Laughter is medicine to me and, again, I wish I’d understood this earlier in my life. I have also learned that laughter is the music of the best settings that I have been involved in. One of my all-time favourite pictures is on this page. Myself, Ricky Ponting, Shane Warne, Matthew Hayden and Glenn McGrath were in the dressing rooms after we’d just won the first Ashes Test in Brisbane in 2006. While the victory was memorable, that’s not the reason it’s such a special photo. It’s the joy of it all. Five mates laughing out loud. I can’t remember why we were doubled over, but it just reminds me that happiness was a common trait that brought these friends — and all of my teammates through the years — so close together. There have been so many times when I have wanted to give my girls a hug or make them laugh; especially through stressful times like Year 12 exams, when a smile feels as hard as running a marathon. I also want to remind them that regardless of how stressed and anxious they might feel right now, everything will work out OK in the end. It usually does. Imagine if I had known that way back then! So, to all those Year 12 students out there, good luck, go well, enjoy the challenges, and laugh your way through them. Plus, leavers isn’t far away.

opinionJustin Langer: We all give our Year 12 kids advice, but what words actually sink in?

opinion
Justin Langer: We all give our Year 12 kids advice, but what words actually sink in?