Woman breaks silence after 15 years of abuse to raise awareness about domestic violence

A brave local woman who escaped three abusive relationships shares her story of survival to help raise awareness for this year’s 16 Days in WA — Stop Violence Against Women campaign. Having knives pulled against her throat, her body dragged, and head punched led to 15 years of abuse at the hands of people she loved and trusted, making every day a living nightmare for Blake (not her real name). “For me, the abuse started not long after the six-month mark,” she said. “They don’t show the true identity of themselves until they believe they have you convinced you’re in love with them and they have slowly started chipping away at your self-esteem, so you become more dependent on them, it’s the trauma bond but then the abuse starts. “It started with verbal abuse, then throwing things, smashing things, holes in doors or walls... you stick around though because of these outbursts they have, they become apologetic and they love-bomb you for a few days, they show you affection, they buy you gifts, they help at home, they tell you they love you and they are terribly sorry.” Blake explained her first partner and father to her children is a known criminal currently serving a lengthy jail term for a serious domestic violence assault involving another partner. At the time of her third domestic violence relationship, she was diagnosed with multiple tumours and, despite her partner having knowledge of this, the abuse continued. “I had multiple brain tumours and when I was diagnosed with them, this did not stop my partner at the time from punching into my head repeatedly,” Blake said. “Domestic violence is quite a deep dark world, and many have similar experiences, but it also varies a considerable amount. “Before you know it, you are sucked unimaginable into a whirlwind rollercoaster of hurt.” Three years ago, Blake had the courage to leave her abusive partner, which she says has been no easy journey. “I left at least 15 times, and those times, my courage was fuelled by fear, fear that he was going to kill me, fear that I would never see my kids and my family again, fear of the ‘next confrontation’ where you know that no matter what you do, you’re going to end up with black eyes again, bruising all over your body,” she said. “There is no black and white when it comes to domestic violence... it’s extremely complex and it is life-changing on many levels. “I will never even enter another relationship with anyone for as long as I live. “I was one of the weakest souls I knew. If I could break free and live again... I know you can, please do it before it’s too late.” Blake’s message to others who may find themselves in a similar situation? “No matter what you have been told, this is not how it’s meant to be; you are so much more than this,” she said. “Your inner self wants you to fight for your freedom. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect and pride and nobody has the right to lay their hands on you. “And I want to say to the abuser, who aren’t always men — women abuse too — there is help out there for you. If you want to change then step up, step up reach out to the services that are there to help.” In recognition of this year’s 16 Days in WA campaign, the City of Rockingham will host a free community event including a memorial and silent march at Mary Davies Library and Community Centre in Baldivis on November 30 from 10am-1pm. 16 Days in WA draws inspiration from the global movement for 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence to drive a change in culture, behaviour and attitudes that lead to violence against women and their children. 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) Lifeline 13 11 14