Bush Legends: How WA farmer Ross Ditchburn went from Kukerin captain-coach to Carlton premiership player

The grand final memories of a lifetime inhabit a hazy back pocket in Ross Ditchburn’s mind. In one of WA football’s more remarkable stories, Ditchburn had gone from Kukerin captain-coach in 1981 to Carlton premiership player the following year after an epic grand final against Richmond that featured brawls, lead changes and a nude streak for the ages from the now widely-known Helen D’Amico. Two years later, he was back on the Kukerin farm where he has been ever since. But unfortunately for the Wheatbelt football legend, he remembers little of his grand final experience after being accidentally concussed by his opponent Alan Martello in the first quarter, with just one solitary kick against his name on the stats sheet. “I sat on the bench and had the worst headache you’d ever want to imagine ... it was pretty bad and it must have been right in the spot,” Ditchburn recalled. “I was there for the streaker, I was there to get my medal and to run the lap of honour and then I collapsed in the room and ended up in hospital until 2am the next morning. “I went back to the club then, but I couldn’t understand anyone because they were all pissed and I couldn’t drink.” But Ditchburn said that despite his less-than-perfect grand final day, it remained a cherished memory. “The nerves before the game and the noise when you run out there ... I was still a part of it,” he said. “I still get goosebumps when I watch the grand final.” Ditchburn possessed a right foot that could, according to Kukerin locals, “boot a bag of spuds over a wheat silo”. He had been playing in the WAFL for Claremont under Mal Brown and then Graham Moss for six years before he returned to the Wheatbelt in 1981. But the time back home was short-lived when the urgings of Claremont-cum-Carlton star Ken Hunter prompted interest from legendary Blues coach David Parkin. Ditchburn had not only missed Claremont’s 1981 premiership, but Kukerin also lost the grand final to Lake Grace that same year. Parkin had been just weeks away from leading Carlton to the 1981 premiership when he headed straight to Melbourne airport with recruiting guru Shane O’Sullivan for a mad dash to WA after a midweek training session. “We arrived in Perth, got in the car and travelled through the night to get to Kukerin,” Parkin recalled this week of the trip which included a sleep behind the wheel while waiting for a long train to pass in Wagin. “We had no idea where we were going, but a bloke recognised me and asked if we were looking for the Ditchburns. He gave us directions across the creek and three drains and we arrived at 7 o’clock in the morning and got magnificent scones for breakfast from Ditchy’s mum.” And while the recruiting mission remains one of the more unusual for the legendary coach, it was one he remembers fondly. Ditchburn kicked 91 goals in just 13 games and another 30 from 15 games the next season before heading back to the farm after his father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. In one 1982 game, he booted 12 goals against St Kilda while opposed to former Australian cricket star Simon O’Donnell. He could have equalled Harry Clover’s club record of 13, set in 1921, had he not chosen to handball into the back of captain Mike Fitzpatrick’s head instead of taking a 40-metre set shot. “It was a difficult recruiting mission, but one of the better recruiting decisions we made and he was what I call the classical full-forward of that earlier period in my football life as a player and coach,” Parkin said. “He had massive hands like scoops and he was a great timer of his leads. He didn’t go wide and he wasn’t fast, but his acceleration was exceptional and once he got in front it was all over. “He’s done an enormous amount of good work in regional and rural WA. We talk about warriors and he’s been a real warrior ... he’s just a delightful bloke, a wonderful human being and I admire him a lot as a person. “Footy introduces you to a few people along the way, but there have been none better than Ross Ditchburn. The Ditchburn story is a great story in lots of ways and that family has been a wonderful WA family.” That family had its Kukerin beginnings when Ditchburn’s great-great-grandparents Robert and Elizabeth headed to the Wheatbelt from England in 1912. The 2200-hectare property was then farmed by his grandparents Herbert and Grace, before his father Bill and uncle Bob took over. Originally known as Merilup, the town was near to where the Rabbit Proof Fence was built in 1904 and it was gazetted as Kukerin eight years later when it became the terminus of an extension of the Wagin to Dumbleyung train line. Its main industry drivers have been wheat and sheep farming, but Ditchburn said young life on the farm with his younger brother John (also a former WAFL player, coach and administrator) and sisters Kerry, Bev and Margie, presented much more. “Just amusing ourselves outside, making gings and from a very early age with the .22 (rifle), shooting parrots down in the reserve or off the fruit trees for mum,” he said. “I was driving the Land Cruiser one night when I was about 14 and had the .22 on my lap and wasn’t sure the safety was on, so I squeezed the trigger a little and a bullet went straight into the door. When they were seeding the paddocks, we used to jump off the combines and grab onto the harrows and drag ourselves along behind. “We used to sit in the car outside the pub, mum and dad would bring us all out cool drinks and chips. There were 100 kids at the school, our bus was huge and the town was good. “It’s a great place to bring up kids and the best part about Perth is driving back up Armadale hill.” But fate took a twist for Ditchburn at the age of 50 in 2007 when a routine health check showed early signs of what was diagnosed two years later as aggressive prostate cancer. The resulting surgery typically led to the erectile dysfunction that sent him and his wife on a more arduous than amorous journey. “Jodie cried because it was her birthday,” Ditchburn half-joked. “We tried all the coloured pills and nothing worked, so we looked at alternatives like pumps of all sorts of descriptions, but they were no good. “We tried self-injections, but in the end I was going to end up an alcoholic because the more cans (of beer) I had, the easier it was to inject myself.” Mr Ditchburn ultimately settled on a successful penile implant and his ordeal was instrumental in him becoming chairman of Regional Men’s Health. He said the group’s role was as important for mental well-being as it was physical. “Farming is hit with situational distress every year, whether its the weather, relationships or succession planning and people are constantly worrying about something that they often can’t control,” he said. “We try and talk to as many people as we can in the situational distress area so they don’t become victims of the serious stress problems. The motto is, talk to a mate before it all gets too much.” Mrs Ditchburn, a former policewoman, once featured in an award-winning South Western Times photograph taken by Andy Niblett to promote the annual Red Nose Day. But the emotional difficulty of working in the child abuse unit led her away from the force and she is now a celebrated metal sculptor through her “Jodie’s Junk Art” business. Parkin revealed he had a twisted, metal dog she made sitting in pride of place inside the entry of his Melbourne home. One of her more public pieces is the giant Kukerin postcode featured at the town’s entry.