Nat Locke: An ode to friends, from dog walkers to bridesmaids, kitchen cleaners and travel companions

The other day on our radio show, a caller told us the story of how she fell out with her best friend.

I know that you probably immediately assume that the main grievance was the attention of a man, or a significant betrayal, but actually, it was a navy dress. You see, this girl wanted her best friend to be her maid of honour and in the process, wear a navy gown. The best friend objected to the dress so violently that their friendship never recovered. Never. Recovered.

I am pleased, and somewhat smug, to report that I have never lost a friendship over a navy dress. Nor any dress, if I’m being honest. I’ve had to wear a couple of interesting bridesmaid dresses in my time. It was the 90s, no one knew any better, but if I can wear a purple silk taffeta frock with puffy sleeves and rosettes on the waist, there should be no complaints about a navy frock.

And look, maybe there was more going on than the navy frock, but regardless. I’ve had some time to reflect on friendship lately, because I reckon I’ve got a pretty great bunch of mates in my life.

Particularly the friend who repeatedly puts her hand up to look after my animals whenever I go away. She’s an absolute legend. She has handled a runaway dog and a cat who developed a massive gaping wound close to her butthole. I mean, that’s already a lot. But also, she’s not averse to popping around to walk my dog in the middle of the day even when I AM in the country and also, she can’t resist cleaning my kitchen. This is also the friend who I call on the odd occasion when I fall off my bike and need a quick visit to the hospital for x-rays. Everyone should have that friend.

I also have a ride or die friend. The sort who started as my cousin’s school friend, became my housemate, and evolved into my bestie. She also cleaned my kitchen when I broke my wrist a few years ago and delivered proper coffee to my doorstep when I was sequestered with COVID.

(I should point out that cleaning my kitchen isn’t essential to being friends with me, but it doesn’t hurt).

And before you start to think that I might actually just be a terrible friend with a perpetually messy kitchen, I’d like to point out that it’s a two-way street. I’ve done things like cook for 22 guests at my bestie’s husband’s milestone birthday, for example. Also, I just listen a fair bit. And offer the role of being my plus-one at opening nights of things.

There are other ride or dies too. How many is too many? I don’t know, but I don’t think I’ve hit the threshold yet. We have so many shared experiences that it feels like our friendships are forged in steel (or something stronger? I don’t know. I should have befriended a metallurgist. And yes, I absolutely did google what a metallurgist does).

And let’s not forget those friends that I don’t get to see very often, but when I do, we pick up right where we left off. I have a bunch of those, mostly stemming from my university days in Melbourne. I see those friends maybe a couple of times a year, and it is glorious every time. There is not one tiny ounce of awkwardness. It’s like slipping your feet into your most comfortable pair of shoes. It just feels right. And I know that if I was to ring any of those friends and ask for help, they would give it without hesitation. And vice versa. Messy kitchens notwithstanding.

It’s genuinely delightful to reflect on your friendships from time to time. I encourage everyone to really relish in the joys, both large and small, that they contribute to your life. Have you laughed heartily with them, like that time your friend’s bread and butter pudding was an abject failure at Christmas in July, or have you cried with them, like when you took flowers over after their dog passed away. Have you travelled with them, helped them move, become obsessed with a TV show with them, or made questionable choices with them, like every shot of tequila ever?

I know I’m lucky. My chest is puffed out that there are so many outstanding people in my life. Given connection is an important concept in keeping both your mind and body healthy, I feel positively splendid.

And my kitchen is sparkling clean.